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l Watched a Person Drown…

I watched a person drown because I couldn’t swim.¬†Their arms were flapping wildly, splashing water everywhere. She seemed to be without legs,¬†as her¬†head bopped up and down.¬†I’m absolutely terrified! She disappears for¬†a second and then resurfaces, it happens again. So quickly this is¬†all happening,¬†and my heart is racing.¬†Am I the only person seeing this? What the heck should I do? I can’t swim, or at least I don’t remember the last¬†time I’ve actually tried. I remember taking classes as a¬†youth. Ahh, nevermind any of that, what¬†is going on right now? This is a joke. I’m sure of it! This isn’t even real. She’s going to resurface again, although this time she will not disappear. She’ll swim to shore, and laugh from the depths of her soul from this sick & unbelievable joke…

I once read on another blogger’s (kelzbelzphotography.wordpress.com) page that I follow, say¬†that she wrote so well when she was in a “rut”. When she was happy, it was harder for her to get accurate feelings out because of the euphoria that her body felt. I kind of agreed, but not really. I thought to myself, I can always write. I may not always be able to share, but I can definitely write.¬†Reminds me of my¬†real life at times. I can always express myself in my day to day with what I’m wearing. There, is where I feel like I can be anybody in the ENTIRE world through my clothing. However, when it comes to saying what I feel needs to be said at times to certain individuals, I hold back. I drown…

Yes, it’s clear that I’ve been away for some time, did a lot of cool things whilst I was away too! Went to Florida, had a¬†fairly decent¬†time I must say. Hershey, Pennsylvania¬†ran through that Amusement Park with my family like I would never see that place again. Had the pleasure of hosting my BEST teenage niece (well actually my only¬†niece), for a month at¬†our house this summer before she had to go back to school down South. Attended some WONDERFUL art shows. And also got to see a Janelle Monae, and her Wondaland Records artists perform a concert for absolutely free!

It’s been AWESOME!! I¬†mean by no means should I feel suffocated, right?

This is where it gets complicated. If you’ve been following me for some time (THANK YOU), you know that my family is my EVERYTHING! So much so, that I’ve been feeling perplexed. ‘Cause there is also this passion inside of me¬†that I have for LifeStyling, Helping, Mingling, Meeting Entrepreneurial People, and Seeing¬†New Places,¬†that makes me feel good. *Takes a deep breath & exhales softly* Really good!¬†It’s like every time I rise in the morning, that day is the day for a new opportunity, and it drives me to execute a master plan to make¬†my families¬†lives much better than what I had to endure growing up. So, on one hand I have my family that constantly needs me. And I go hard for them, without a doubt! How can I “abandon” them? Now on the other hand I¬†have my goals, dreams, skills, talents, and gifts. I should be able to share those, no? I’d go just as HAM on accomplishing all of them, as I would for my family. This¬†is for all of us, right? Or is¬†it¬†for my own happiness?¬†If only I didn’t have this¬†feeling, this feeling¬†that in some way I’d be doing them a disservice by going for mine. What am I doing to myself if I keep on the route that I’m currently on?

Occassionally, I feel like there somehow is water in my lungs, taking small breaths from me. As I¬†gasp for air¬†these out of body experiences are keeping me alive, or getting a kick out of how I’ll react. Is this going to work? Can I make any of “it” happen? Will I lose my mind in the process? Or does this quest that I’m on continue to give me the intense feeling of drowning? Maybe I return to the shore fine and well, with a big smile on my face in the end.

I pray that it’s the latter, looking and living The Lifestyle of the Fashionably Frugal.

As always, I thank you for reading and hope that you enjoyed!

Peace